Doubtful Thoughts and Strange Feelings
by Ito
Summary: A scenerio which takes place during "Ikakkumon's Harpoon Torpedo". Joe is suffering from much doubt and confusion on his role in the group, not to mention his feelings for Sora. My entry for the "Jyoura Contest" and first fanfic ever.


My first fanfic... ever. It was inspired and written for the Jyoura contest since I really like that couple. (Joe is the second guy I'd pair up with Sora if Tai was out of the picture) And it takes place during the 01 Season and has dialogue straight out of the episode "Ikakkumon's Harpoon Torpedo". I hope this came out okay, I'm still learning as for as writing goes, but I hope to improve with time. Comments are welcome.****

  


******Doubtful Thoughts and Strange Feelings**

  


"We could even build a snow fort!"

"You don't need one!"

"I bet I could beat you both blindfolded."

I just stood quietly as I listened to them all throw playful threats at each other. Sometimes everyone acted so childish, that it was hard to ignore the fact that I was the eldest among them. And as much as I'd have liked to adopt Tai's blissful yet childish optimism, I knew that I couldn't. For if not me, than who else would be looking out for the benefit of the group?

"Come on, get serious!" I couldn't stand listening to them anymore when the subject of igloos was brought up, and crossed my arms, closing my eyes to illustrate my disdain. Did any of them realize just how absurd they sounded? "It'd be horrible if it started snowing right now."

I had hoped my words of reason would knock some sense into them, but it was obvious that everyone was just ignoring me. As usual.

"Lighten up Joe. We're just trying to look on the positive side of things." Without opening my eyes, I recognized the voice as Sora's. She had broken away from the rest of the group and was now standing close-by. 

To me that's what really singled her out from the rest of the 'kids'. Out of all of them she was the only one who would actually really listen when you spoke to her, and then take things into consideration. Even if the one speaking was a paranoid loser like me. 

She actually responds too. And by 'respond' I don't mean one of those insulting wise-cracks that Tai or Matt would usually throw at me. Whenever she answers, she does so kindly and for that I held her in a much different light than any of the others. She really was something else... The closest thing to a friend I had in the Digiworld, and the real one for the matter.

That's why it's hard for me to be myself around her. Her caring personality I mean. Just how am I supposed to keep up my pessimistic attitude when facing such a kind and gentle person. Not to mention whenever she smiles at me, I'm overcome with this sudden shyness and it sends my thoughts astray. That's probably why I try so hard to avoid confrontation with her, though the end result is usually her coming to me instead. Just like what was happening now.

When she spoke to me, I forced my defensive wall to come up, but at the same time I couldn't find it in my heart to really argue with her. "Bleh..." was all I could think of to reply.

Meanwhile the others, now once again excited by the idea of it snowing, picked up on their conversation again. Only this time, their jokes were all directed squarely at me. See what I mean?

Stealing a glance to my left I could see Sora was still watching me intently. She wasn't giggling or cracking smiles like any of the rest of them were. She just stood quietly and looked at me, but even that simple action was enough to render me a nervous wreck. Did she have to stand so close? I was beginning to get a strange feeling in my stomach. Butterflies maybe? I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze so I quickly preoccupied my thoughts with trying to reason with the others again.

"You know if the temperature drops any lower than it is already, we won't be able to camp out anymore." I hoped if I spelled things out clearly for them, they'd be able to get the picture. How on earth could they be encouraging cold weather anyway? Didn't they understand the predicament we were in? "We'll be frozen digi-treats." 

I don't know what exactly possessed me to add that in the end. Sometimes I forget that I too am technically a child, and can let silly little words like that slip in, but in this case it really didn't do any favours to my prior statement which was trying to make a serious point. 

Almost everyone burst out into laughter, even Izzy who was usually so calm and reserved. Laughter at my expense... as usual. Sora is the only one who remains silent. 

"That's right, go ahead and laugh," I try at least to retain some dignity in front of the others. Show them that I'm not a complete push-over. " But when your tootsies freeze, don't come crying to me. I'll just say I told you so," Whoops, did it again. I can't seem to stop myself from saying dumb things, especially when I'm trying to be serious. 

"It is always better to be safe than sorry. Think first." Hopefully they'll at least take some consideration to my words. Hmph, when they all grow up a little, then they'll understand.

My thoughts are suddenly cut off then, when Gomamon points out the field of snow which seems to have just materialized out of nowhere. 

  


****

  


I can't believe it... I made a complete idiot of myself. In front of the whole group. In front of Sora.

I mean, I thought it was bad enough that I was already considered the group's official dork, but now I'm a jerk on top of it? 

I really thought I could handle it... Tai and Matt's bickering I mean. As the oldest, shouldn't I also be the peacemaker? The decision maker? The one who's authority should be at least acknowledged if not respected? 

Instead I get caught up in the very argument I was trying to resolve, and it is Sora of all people who ends up breaking us all up. She probably thinks less than nothing of me by now. Great, I've just lost the closest thing I had to a friend.

Even when she suggested we all go find a place to sleep for the night, she still pushed Matt and Tai along with her. Not me. She was still willing to put up with them after their fight, but me? I had no redeeming qualities. She barely took a second to steal a glance at my pathetic, geeky self before heading off with them. I guess her patience for me has finally wore out. 

And in the end, I'm left behind, alone while the others follow. Do I really have that little importance to them? Probably. So far I haven't contributed or done one useful thing. I keep saying I have to be responsible, and I do try to act responsible, but everything seems to blow up in my face in the end. Oh why do I have to be so incompetent...

I'm sitting alone now by the stump of a tree. Gomamon's staying nearby to keep me company, but only because he's my digimon, not out of any genuine fondness for me. Even my own protector doesn't like me. He's only doing this because it's his job. I guess I'm just doomed to be a friendless loser...

Wait a sec. Someone's coming. Is it a someone or somethin- Nope, it's definitely a someone. And it's...-Hey! Sora?

"Oh Sora!... Umm... What are you doing here?" I let my gaze drop to the dirt on the ground before me. I'm too embarrassed to meet her eye to eye after what happened.

"I went to look for you after you never showed up. I guessed you'd still be back here. Now come on, Agumon's starting a fire so the cave will be nice, warm and toasty by the time we get back." I can almost see the smile in her voice and my stomach does a flip.

"Oh well... That's great I guess. You go on back and we'll catch up with you. I just needed a moment to myself out here." 

"Nuh-uh, speak for yourself," I look up, surprised by Gomamon's statement. "Now that Sora's here SHE can keep you company. I'm heading back to get some shut-eye." 

"What? But Goma-" He winks at me before taking off without another word. Now what the heck did he mean by that?

Now it's just Sora and me, alone. "Sora, you don't have to..."

"Never mind what I don't have to do. I *want* to keep you company, besides I'd like to get as much fresh air as I can before getting packed into a stuffy old cave for the night."

She sits down next to me, her side barely brushing mine and my stomach does another flip. How come I always get this strange feeling whenever I'm around her? Am I that deprived of companionship that I don't know how to act around people anymore? Or is it something else...

"Something wrong?"

Her voice snaps me out of my self-bashing. "Oh uh nothing..." And then after a moment. "Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you... Angry at me?"

I still don't meet her gaze but I can sense her confusion, much to my confusion. "For what?" What does she mean, 'For what'?

"For messing up with Tai and Matt..."

I can feel her sides begin to shake a little, and when I finally muster up the courage to look at her, I find her fighting off a fit of giggles. I raise an eyebrow, "What's so funny?"

"Is that what's got you so worried? That I'd be mad at you for not being able to stop the two most stubborn guys in our group?"

"Well yeah. Kind of."

"Oh Joe." She giggles and playfully leans her head on my shoulder. "You can be real strange at times... but still sweet."

I can feel my face turning a shade of pink when her head touches my shoulder, and that fluttery, strange feeling comes back to my stomach. This time however, it feels kind of nice. Maybe because I now know that she, dare I say it, might actually like me?

"Is that why you're always worrying?" She asks. "Because you're constantly on your toes trying to look out for us?"

"Sora," I sigh, "it's my responsibility. I wish it wasn't but, everyone's always either thinking with their stomachs, or trying to turn a dangerous situation into an opportunity to have some fun. No one ever bothers to stop and think of the consequences, so in the end it's always me."

She pauses a moment before speaking. "Joe... Look at me." 

After a moment's hesitation I finally do, and can already feel my face flushing when I realize just how little the distance between us is. Why does she make me feel this way? Could she feel the same way? Impossible... What, when she has Tai, the athletic jock, or Matt, the token good-looking 'cool' guy. I can even imagine some girls being drawn to Izzy's amazing intellect and computer smarts. What do I have to offer? Oversized glasses and a cowardly nature.

"Joe, you shouldn't lose sleep over such things. Sure you're the oldest, but when it comes right down to it, we're all in the same boat together aren't we? Of course nobody's going to expect you to protect us from all the harms of the Digiworld, instead we all do our share to look out for one another." 

Her eyes meet mine and for a moment I am completely speechless, subconsciously pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose. 

So, nothing matters as long as 'we all do our share to look out for one another'... But doesn't she realize that I haven't done *anything* to look out for anyone else. All I've done so far is cower and complain.

"And besides, your intentions are good and unselfish," she continues. "The most unselfish ones I've heard in a long time. You're not just looking out for yourself or a family member or something like that. You're looking out for all of us." 

Before I can say another word, she leans over and kisses my cheek and in that moment alone my face has gone from pink to red hot... It doesn't go unnoticed. Giggling, Sora stands up.

"So shall we head back now? The others said they'd wait up 'til we got back, and I don't want to keep them waiting all night." She holds an outstretched hand out to me, and I accept it.

"Besides Joe it's pretty dark out here... but I feel safe with you around." She giggles again and links her arm around mine, leaning her head on my side. Together we head back to the cave and, rubbing my head embarrassedly, I can't seem to rid myself of the goofy smile I know is on my face. I'm just glad that it's dark and Sora won't be able to see it. 

'Look out for one another'... Alright then, for her, and for the sake of the group, I'll do my best to stop my constant cowering and be little braver, a little bolder. Be a little, dare I say it, more like Tai. And maybe with time, everyone will come to see that they can rely on me.


End file.
